One of the side effects of having a Facebook account in college is that I am routinely sent invitations to take surveys for various classes. Today I received one for an Asian American Psychology class focusing on how much education I've received from my parents regarding sex. Upon taking the survey and thinking about the topic some more, I've come to a conclusion: "not much."
The survey focused on whether people agreed or disagreed with statements such as these:
- "I don’t know if this goes for anyone else, but I don’t think Asian parents talk about sex at all."
- "After I got to a certain age, my mom liked to talk about it very briefly, just to give us “the talk” in short bursts I think. I don’t know. When I went home this past break, she asked me if I were a virgin and things, and I was just like, 'Mom, don’t worry about it'".
- "All my friends’ parents that are White—they’re so cool and relaxed and like, talking about sex and condoms and stuff"
I started thinking about it and I can't speak for anyone else because I'm sure different parents have different parenting styles, but from what I have heard and experienced, fairly conservative Asian immigrant parents don't like to have "the talk" with their children. They instead rely on public education and biology classes, choosing to skip the awkwardness of sex education. Thinking about the project topic my group is covering for our presentation, eating disorders in Asians and Asian American women, and how I have learned that many Asian American women do not feel comfortable speaking with their parents about their problems, I am wondering if Asian immigrant parents culturally do not feel comfortable discussing personal issues with their children at all and vice versa. I also wonder if things will change when more generations of Asians raised in America grow up and have their own children. Sex education is certainly a touchy topic in many different cultures, but perhaps the generation gap between Asian immigrant parents and their children makes it more of an issue.
I agree with Katie, in my experience, my parents never want to talk about those really personal issues. I think they feel that it's knowledge that will eventually come to us one way or another. I remember my mom asking me whether or not I knew that I wasn't supposed to have sex before marriage. I nodded in agreement, knowing that if I did choose to bring up the idea of "safe sex" she'd lock me in the house and never let me leave. And that was the end of the conversation.
ReplyDeleteI think Katie's right in that many conservative Asian immigrant parents just don't like to talk about these issues. In addition to having "the talk," I think many Asian immigrant parents, like mine, are even less likely to have the "safe sex" talk, believing that their children will embody the beliefs many of our parents grew up with too - that they don't need to discuss contraception and STDs with us because we won't have sex until we're married anyway, which is obviously not the case in today's society.
I'd be interested in knowing to what extent the silence on topics like sex are taboo due to cultural norms within various Asian-American communities versus silence due to not wanting to broach the topic because there is no common dominant language between the parents and the child. Obviously, this dynamic is mostly a salient issue for parents who are first-generation immigrants, but I believe (and of course I am conjecturing) that parents are highly aware of the language barriers and how that affects the relationship. I can see how some cultural factors may be reasons why "the sex talk" never occurred, but I also think sometimes lack of a common language can decrease the child's receptability to the sex talk.
ReplyDeleteI know in my own experience (and I recognize that it is an unusual experience Asian-American or otherwise), my parents were very open about sex. I was very aware that my parents had sex and that they practiced some form of contraception. My mother, with her medical training, did talk about birth control, but usually in conjunction with its other health benefits. However, they never talked to me specifically about safe sex outside of confirming with me at one point that I was aware of what it consisted of. I believe one of reasons for this was because my parents did not always have the language to ever be comfortable with talking with me about safe sex. The other reason is that anytime they broached the subject, I would reassure them that I knew whatever information they relayed and probably knew more.
However, I do agree that failure on the parents' part to discuss sex education, especially since the state of sex education in schools is so dismal, is highly detrimental no matter what the reason. Even more, though, I believe this is not a problem that is limited to the Asian-American population. Again, as I have noted, my experience with my parents' attitudes seems incredibly unique. I think it is very hard for a lot parents to broach the topic of sex in any capacity and that seems to be an overarching societal issue.
Wow, cool post. I'd like to write like this too - taking time and real hard work to make a great article... but I put things off too much and never seem to get started. Thanks though. education in America
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