Dear Deann,
Although we are from different eras, different geographical regions and have vastly different experiences in many respects, I feel like I know you in a way that I don't know many other people. As you mentioned, it's a difficult thing, to look into Caucasian eyes, reaching out to touch white skin and equating family, love, respect and even normal. It's also difficult to return to a place that was once your home, wanting it to be your home, frozen by the whispers of dietetic memory and the constant identity that you embody, yet you will never fully understand.
While my parents encouraged me to learn about Korea, even attending Korean lessons with me for a large portion of my childhood, I still feel a disjuncture. I can't speak to my parents about the duality of my identity because it's something they cannot grasp. I can't speak to other adoptees about my experience because the adoptee's experience is so varied. I am truly an singualar product for whom identity is a constant quandary.
Today I watched you as you searched for meaning within your two families. I watched as your American parents showed the same dedication to their child as mine did. I watched as you grew up as an undoubtedly American young woman. And I watched as you found your biological family. I am at that final crossroads now. A young man with an ambiguous past that constant knocks, passing unexplainable knowledge from the unknown to my body. Now I look to the future.
My experience and my consciousness tells me I don't need the reunion you had. I don't need to meet my mother, my father or any other family I may not know about. I'm uncomfortable with that reality. However, when I saw your mother's face as she held her long lost flesh and blood in her arms again, I hesitated. And when I saw the spark in your eye when you perhaps realized where you got your eyes, I hesitated further.
This is the third time I have seen your film and this is also the third time in my life I have seriously thought about my birth family. I'm not sure what to make of it yet, but I know it's undoubtedly important and much bigger than just me.
Thank You,
Galen
When Galen talked about the experience of himself, I totally touched by his telling although I understood that no one can really feel indebted as if it were received in person without experience in the same way.
ReplyDeleteDifferent with the immigrant, the adopt children grow up in the US culture and US family. It is so hard for them to keep the culture as the environment is totally americanized. Despite with the moral hazel of the parent and biological parent, there is race and gender battle to face.
I said that I consider the film is very encourage because Deann is brave to find what she is confused about . But after reading Galen's post, I hesitated of my statement. It's a very hard decision and maybe the result will be the same and maybe it would bring pain to your original family. The road of seeking may be is not a good choice.
I do not know . Best wishes.